This is also very good. :3 Though, "yale" is a male given name. I'm sure you meant "yowl"? Bare should be replaced with "bear", as "bare" can mean "naked", "open to view" (like baring ones fangs), "plain", or "unconcealed". Bear can mean "support", "to bring forth young", "produce by natural growth", or "be capable of". Oh, and it can be an animal. I'm pretty sure the word here should be bear. The last few lines, "How can a person bare such burden / Knowing they were the cause. / Of ripping apart a family / And bringing this endless storm" should be changed a little. The "bear"/"bare" thing is already dealt with, but the period after "cause" is unnecessary and there should be a question mark after "storm". And seventeen is also not spaced.
Otherwise, great job. Your poetry surpasses Daphne's by millions.
An example of hers:
"Thank you...
Thanks for letting me know you,
Thanks for being in this world,
There are no words that can describe how special you are,
You are unique, you are awesome, you are... my friend.
Why you seem to glow so much?
Why you make me feel needed?
Why of... everyone, you choosed me?
That is flattering. That is a honor.
Sorry for annoying you,
Sorry for sometimes being a selfish,
Sorry for, one time or another, be so put in front of my problems at a point I couldn't see you had them too.
You always helped me, you helped me out of the dark.
I hope I can help you.
Thanks for letting me be who I am, thanks for accepting me even with those horrible faults.
Thanks for putting me out of this."
...xD Your stuff is way better than that.
Fri Jul 05, 2013 2:14 pm by 
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